Two Books

I read a lot. Mostly I read mysteries. My favorite reading time is just before I go to sleep which is not a good time for serious, intellectual thought and mysteries are a good break between real life and sleep.

I do, however, read other books and there are two, both of which I read between 12 and 15 years ago, that had a major effect on my life and continue to do so.

The first is Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. There is now a revised version. This book was highly recommended at a conference I attended in about 1995 called "Women and Money". The authors first talk about how as children, all of our rewards come from outside of ourselves. Food, comfort from parents, pets, etc. As we grow older, it is natural to continue that pattern and so we buy things. After a while, we're not getting as much satisfaction as we used to, so we buy more and more and more and wonder why that behavior pattern is no longer working. At some point, we have to realize that more does not necessarily equal better.

There is an exercise in the book to track all of your spending for one week. No judgments, no second guessing, just spend normally. After one week (or maybe it's a month - it's been a while since I read the book), look at what you've bought and assign a satisfaction number to each item. Economists call this satisfaction "utility" and it is totally subjective. I might get a lot of utility from a pair of earrings and none from attending a NASCAR race. You might be the exact opposite.

So lets say I buy an expensive cup of coffee every day, but do it out of habit and get little or no utility from it. Perhaps I should eliminate it, or buy it only once a week. The point is, we all spend money on things that bring us limited or no real satisfaction and we should be using our dollars to purchase those things that provide us with real utility. Almost immediately, we'll likely have more dollars (or have less debt).

Obviously, I have to pay the mortgage and electric bill, but I always (usually) think before spending money and buy only things that bring me true satisfaction or utility. While I admire someone else's new shoes, for example, I feel free from "having" to buy everything I like.

The second book is Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn. The "full catastrophe" comes from the movie Zorba the Greek. Zorba's new friend asks Zorba if he is married and Zorba says "Am I not a man? And is not a man stupid? I’m a man. So I married. Wife, children, house, everything. The full catastrophe."

The theme of this book is that you can't change life, but you can change the way you perceive life and change your attitute toward it. Do you react to situations or do you respond to them? Things happen. You may not like those things, but you must accept that they have happened. That doesn't mean you are resigned to them. You may be able to change them - but you may not be able to change them. So say something happens and you react by getting upset or angry. What then? Or perhaps your initial reaction is to be upset or angry, but you quickly realize that you cannot change what has happened. You can, however, respond to the situation in a way that diffuses it, or modifies it or some other positive outcome.

I've been laid off from my job. I can't change that. I accept it. Getting upset, angry, depressed will not help me unless I take those emotions and chanel them into something positive. Reacting doesn't help me, but I can respond. I can look for another job, I can volunteer, I can use a blog to help me sort out my thoughts and help me plan a course of action.

Both of these books are again helping me through what could be a difficult time.

And I have good news on the filing-a-claim-for-unemployment front. Yesterday, after making 7 calls and not getting through I went to the unemployment office in Northampton. It was about 1:00 p.m and there was a sign on the door saying something like "We have accepted the maximum number of new claims for the day". I went inside anyway and explained to the woman at the desk that I'd been trying to call all week with no luck. She said that it would take until closing to interview all of the people who were already there and waiting. She said to come back on Monday and that there is always a line when the doors open at 8:30. She gave me a form that needs to be filled out so that I could complete that ahead of time and speed up the process.

This morning (Saturday) the phone lines open at 8:00. I called at 7:56 and the recorded message said the office was not open. I called at 7:59, went through the 4 minute process of listening to recorded messages and entering data and heard that staff were busy helping other customers, and I could call back or wait on the phone for about 20 minutes. I waited and it was only about 15 minutes when I FINALLY talked to a representative and gave him all of my data. A packet of information is supposed to be in the mail to me on Monday.

I also got to listen to classical music (my favorite) while on hold.